Bald & Evil
Door Decision Theory
The real life villain character arc of Jeff Bezos is breathtaking.
Endearing geek founds amazon - books for everyone A-Z! Gives up grubstaking job on wall street for bet on the emerging Internet and moves west.
With his life partner by his side, he scrappily sets up shop as a family affair including his dad putting the books in boxes and taking them down to UPS.
Geek turns astute business man, transforms Amazon into a place you can find anything under the sun including the replacement part for your old dishwasher that even the guy who knows everything at the hardware store down the street can't find. Oh, and free shipping.
Gets married to his best friend and has four wonderful children.
He sits at the top of the mountain, he is fulfilled. By any measure, he is successful in life and business. He gives liberally to charities, dotes on his children—perhaps they will find a place in his business—has libraries named after him, endows a chair or ten at his alma mater, builds a museum. He is kind. He is Gracious.
History will look kindly on this 21st century titan of industry.
But, it’s not enough. He embraces the dark side.
I have two theories:
Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely.
Perhaps, but I think its because he shaved his head.
EXHIBIT 1, Jeff 25 years ago and today:
Strap in, because Bezos’ subsequent race to the bottom is bewildering.
Evil cue ball leaves his wife and Amazon partner MacKenzie. They’d been married 25 years, together longer. MacKenzie gets half of a bazillion and becomes a prolific philanthropist.
They divorce when the national enquirer blackmails Bezos for his affair with Lauren Sánchez. Chrome dome steaming, Jeff goes full evil. He buys the Washington Post—y’know the storied newspaper with the slogan Democracy Dies in Darkness? He proceeds to shut down the editorial board starting with killing a piece where they endorsed Kamala.
I feature the last inauguration pic of Bezos with Lauren and all the other tech oligarchs here. I talk more about the larger debacle in Tech bends the knee.1
For a snapshot of Bezos' awfulness, take a look at Blue Origin—his feathered-logo entry in the bazillionaire rocket race. Fueled by profits wrung from his warehouse empire, he’s locked in a sausage fight with Musk to build the biggest rocket.
Bezos recruits William Shatner for publicity on its 2nd crewed spaceflight. After they land, 90 year-old Shatner is emotional after looking away from our blue planet out into the blackness of space. Bezos mocks him, popping a bottle of champagne in his face.
What kind of person messes with Captain Kirk?
EXHIBIT 2, Andrew 25 years ago and today:
Bezos could be my brother from another mother.
Jeff’s my age, and we embraced Mr. Clean together. Just like Jeff, I left my job at a Seattle based tech titan to start a company with a nature inspired logo. Just like Jeff, I bought a storied newspaper and gutted it publish a blog that 300 people read. Just like Jeff, I built a ridiculously obsequious yacht complete with bow bust of my crush Lauren Sánchez bought a van to ride around in with JFran.
I built a 42 million dollar forever clock inside a mountain in my backyard walk Lola.
There is one difference between us: Dr Evil has a door fetish, me, not so much.
Jeff loves to talk about doors. Open ones, closed ones, heavy ones, translucent ones, ones with pull knobs, ones you push.
Lex Luthor would have us believe doors are the core of the decision making framework that made him richer than god. Door Decision Theory, DDT.
White & Nerdy agrees with Bald and Evil on one thing—most doors go both ways. Pretty much always, you can make a decision, pick a door, go through that door, and if it sucks on the other side, turn around and pick a different door.
Having a kid—now there’s one decision that’s hard to undo, so sure, there are some decisions you’ll want to think long and hard on. Bezos call’s these one-way doors. But, if you find yourself unable to make a decision, frozen in analysis paralysis, pick a door and know it’s a two-way door.
Last week I talked about bosses and one that promoted me gave me Oh the Places You’ll Go! by Dr Seuss. She even wrote in a little inspirational message!
She was the best.
Dr Seuss—with a full head of hair and no door fetish—is telling you that while your path may not be straight, you’ll get there and opening new doors is fun.
You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know.
You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act.
The hallmark 70’s game show Lets Make A Deal (go Sharon!) was all about master deal maker Monte Hall talking you through the prizes that might await behind the doors. Door #1, #2 or #3?
Even if you picked wrong (for example, there was a goat behind the door not a brand new car) it was top tier entertainment.
Charge through those doors! Just don’t shave your head.
For the record, I am a prize. If someone found me behind a door instead of a car, lucky them!
You may already know this, but the "Democracy Dies in Darkness" slogan was adopted after Bezos bought the company!
Also, you are to Bezos as I am to Buffett. We are practically twins.
You're no Jeff Bozos!